Struggles to Just Live

I live in very rural South Georgia. When we first moved to the area the closest “large” city wasn’t even consider a metropolitan until 2005. Even now (as of 2021) that same city might lose their metro status due to changes in the federal definition. While we all know there are multiple benefits in who you know even in big cities, in smaller cities those benefits are even more prevalent. You almost have to have an in someone to get a job that pays “well”. I was lucky at the time (or so I thought) my mother worked for the city. Another department had an opening so at 22 with only some customer service experience at a large retail box store and an amusement park I scored an interview with that department. It was almost a year and two rounds of interviews before I was hired but I was eventually hired.

I enjoyed my job it was a swing shift but the type that changes weekly(third shift) and even daily (between first and second shift). I was good at my job and excelled quickly. Soon I was moved out of the swing shift into a more stable schedule, funny enough there was no raise included as it wasn’t considered a promotion. I had recently had my daughter and getting on a regular schedule did wonders for her. I was able to get her on a decent sleep schedule. You see I was a single mother. When my daughter was 6 months old I learned her father, my fiancé was doing cocaine while he was watching her when I worked. The rest of that week I took her to my parents and that weekend I packed up all of our stuff and left.

Even with this “decent” job I wasn’t making enough ($400/wk or $10/hr) to pay for my car and other living expenses. When I was 20, I lived at home with my parents and only had my cell phone and car insurance as bills. I needed a new car, I ended up with a $360 car payment and a $120 car insurance payment for 72 months. At the time without any bills or any other financial responsibilities it was completely within my budget. Fast forward four years, there is now a little one and I’m now leaving her father. Unfortunately he decided supporting her was not what he wanted to do and I was on my own financially. So my awesome affordable car in 2001 wasn’t so affordable in 2004/2005. I had to move back in with my parents.

After a few years I got a place that was afford a whole $250/mth. It was a decent sized trailer but of course most times you don’t see the oh no items until it’s too late. When summer hit the electric was $300/mth. The air was leaking under the trailer. It took them months to fix this. Only my little one and I and I was even going to school so we were only home from 11pm - 7am Monday through Friday and the weekends. I’d have the air set to 70 and it was 85 in the house when I got home. So hot I couldn’t sleep at night. But I was in my own place so I was all in all happy. Even though the problem with the air and the fact that there were places on the floor that I would have to warn people not to step on. I somewhat miss that place even now. It was out in the country with a HUGE screened in front porch. If only those things weren’t such a problem there.

My early years I was lucky the good ole boy system (somewhat) worked for me. Now I’m not in the same place at all. Which one would hope would be better and in some ways it is but in others I’m not so sure. Right this second I am without a job and it’s driving me crazy not to have income coming in. The fear is unreal. My parents are still the most wonderful people in the entire world. Being here for me and helping me through this unprecedented time in my life. While I am unemployed I am helping Mom out with her business and trying to figure out mine.

I want a job that fits with my ideals. I want a work/life balance. I don’t want to be a number anymore. All of the jobs I’ve had have taken advantage of me in someway. At a grocery store management would tell my employees that they didn’t need to let me know when something was rung up wrong because “Alicia will find it”. Which is a completely true statement but why make me spend hours researching the issue when a note will let me fix it and move on to the next thing. At the same job I learned an employee who did less work than me, that hadn’t been a “lead” very long was making more than I did. When I asked my manager about it the answer was “Oh I must have gave her the raise I meant for you”. Its the casual disrespect. I was putting everything into it. I could explain the front and put in so many systems to track and improve performance on audits. I turned an office from failing to passing the audit in less than 6 months. While they loved my skills they completely took them for granted. I don’t need praise all the time but money talks.

Another job, one at a warehouse I was fast at pulling orders for the packers, pulling almost 500 to 600 orders a day all alone. I started having some health issues, of course the job doesn’t give health insurance. I was asking and asking to be moved to another department because of the pain I was in. I was told “I need you there. You at 75% is better that you not there.” I was shocked. They didn’t get if I couldn’t heal then I would be at zero and not be there. The same job after the moved me over a year later told me I was in charge when the department manager was out but of course there was no compensation for that responsibility. I was asked to apply for a manage position at their store. They didn’t even have enough respect for me to tell me they hired someone else. I had to ask them about the position. At this point I had worked for them for about two yrs. One owner told another owner that I refused to pull when I told him that if I was moved from my position to pull orders, I expect the manager from the shipping department to be pulling too since every other shipping manager pulled orders when they were behind. After I had the conversation I went and pulled over half of the orders, during my break the other owner told me I was being insubordinate for telling the other owner when I did. Then told me I had to stay to finish orders while letting everyone else in my department go home.

This was the one job I left without notice. I had already found another job and was planning to put in my notice. I had just learned they gave a girl that’s only 18 or 19 the manager position at the store. I was fuming. She came in and I got it out of her she was making $15/hr. She had no experience in retail, worked there for less than a year. I have over 15 yrs in customer service, five in supervisory/management, and worked three years for them. The day before I learned this another employee and I were talking and they talked about how the owner told her EVERYONE is replaceable. I already had a back up job, those two pieces of info did me in. I text them at lunch since neither came to work that day, and told them I was done and not coming back. One called me begging me to explain and reconsider. I am a emotional person and my throat started closing up, tightening and tears came. They told me the store manager wasn’t a promotion from my position, regardless of the pay increase of $3/hr. That I was just all in my feelings and needed to think about it because I’d regret it. Then texted me to tell me no one is replaceable and they respects all of their employees. Just to top it off for you all. The owners regularly flaunt their wealth in front of their employees. They bought a Mercedes for their daughter’s sweet 16 and parked it IN the warehouse, most of us have old beater cars. Most were single mothers. They have their purchases sent to the warehouse, asking us to open them and hide or let them know when certain things arrive. A pair of 1K Gucci shoes. They wear luxury brand clothes to work. I don’t care that they are so wealth. What gets me is they are flaunting it in front of the people who work so hard for them but they don’t pay a livable wage or offer any type of insurance for their employees. It’s just basic respect.

Workers deserve so much. Without us working these menial jobs there is no wealth. I take great pride in the work I do. Just look at the graphics I make for my Mom’s subscription box to get an idea but I also want to be able to survive with crazy stress.

And if anyone is thinking oh you just need to live within your means better. I haven’t had a car payment in 10 years. My rent was only $550/mth. I didn’t have much in subscriptions except Netflix, Hulu, Disney, (which I rotate through every month, so not all at once). Then regular bills car insurance, electricity, phone for me and my daughter, & water. I even had a roommate to split some of those with. I was living within my means even saving little sometimes, but I was barely surviving. One care repair, one school trip for the kiddo and my savings was gone and restarting. I’m a big believer in a MINIMUM STANDARD of living for everyone. I missed out on so much of my child’s life trying to make ends meet and I do take that personally. It’s time I will never get back. It’s time every mother deserves to choose if she wants to give up. If I had a choice, a real choice I’d never of missed it. A choice between losing your house or food and missing precious moments isn’t a choice, it’s an illusion of choice.